My brother is married with two kids. On paper, the responsibility of caring for our parents is shared between us.
And yet, it still feels like it falls mostly on me—the single one in the family.
Why is that?
Is it birth order? Personality? The idea that I “seem to cope better”? Or something deeper—years of quietly absorbing unspoken rules like:
“You’re the eldest. You should know what to do.”
“You’re not married, so you have more time, right?”
“You’re naturally more nurturing. This suits you better.”
That quiet expectation settles in and starts to feel like a default. A weight you carry without realising how heavy it is.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself: Why does it feel like it has to be me?
And more importantly, who else might be carrying that same weight, silently?
When care falls on you
I’m not just a strategy officer building programmes for caregivers. I am an unpartnered caregiver.
It’s the late-night overthinking.
The meetings I reschedule.
The guilt when I forget a follow-up.
And the joy when my parents smile after a community activity.
And I’ll say this too — I’m grateful.
Even as I step into this role, both my parents are still healthy and independent. They’re from the baby boomer generation, raised to stand on their own two feet, not rely on others, and quietly lead their own lives.
That independence is a gift. But it also adds complexity. Because it means they rarely ask for help, even when they might need it.
So I prepare, emotionally and mentally, for the care before the crisis.
What happens when the caregiver needs care?
Now imagine this: both the single caregiver and the ageing parent need help. Who steps in then?
This isn’t a theoretical scenario. It’s already unfolding.
In Japan, they call it Double Care — where one person cares for both their elderly parent and their children. Increasingly, it also refers to single, ageing caregivers who are beginning to decline themselves, while still supporting someone else.
The consequences are real:
Physical and emotional burnout
- Mental health strain
- Gaps in safety, medication and day-to-day care
- A system not built to catch two people at once
Singapore isn’t far behind
By 2030, Singapore will be a super-aged society, with 1 in 4 citizens aged 65 or older.
Here’s what we’re looking at:
- Over 83,000 seniors are expected to live alone
- Nearly 1 in 4 Singaporeans may remain single for life
- Top 3 daily activity challenges for seniors: Walking or climbing stairs, Bathing and dressing and managing household chores
This isn’t just physical decline. It’s a warning.
Many seniors—including caregivers—will soon need care themselves.
Let’s question the default
Care shouldn’t fall silently on one person. It should be grounded in community, shared responsibility, and a culture where asking for help is a strength, not a burden.
That’s why SG Assist exists. To create a space for caregivers to support each other, build peer networks, and ease the load for families like mine.
Because caregiving takes more than love. It takes systems. It takes sustainability. It takes all of us.
If you’re a caregiver, policymaker, or someone wondering why you’ve become “the one,” know this:
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not weak.
You’re not alone. And there’s help.
This article was written by Brendan Seah and originally posted on LinkedIn on April 25 , 2025.
